| 1 |
Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?Mostly because it’s always too soon. In some cases, they do, but we can’t hear them over all the gunshots. |
| 2 |
What did the coronavirus do that the US government can’t?Stop school shootings. |
| 3 |
Who are the only people allowed to do school shootings?Photographers. |
| 4 |
A young man goes to a US Veterans hospital because he has PTSD.The clerk says, “Before we can authorize tr8ment we’ll need paperwork proving you are a combat veteran.”The man says, “Of course. Here’s my High School diploma.” |
| 5 |
Why are Americans so good at basketball?Because they’ve been practicing shooting drills since elementary school. |
| 6 |
Why did the US win a gold medal in shooting at the last Olympics?Because they practice in the best schools. |
| 7 |
Why do kids who play COD shoot up their school according to the media?To increase their K/D ratio. |
| 8 |
What’s the difference between the SATs and school shootings?You only have 1 shot to prove yourself at the SATs. |
| 9 |
What do you call a 7th grader with no friends?Sandy Hook survivor. |
| 10 |
What’s the difference between a computer and an American?An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting. |
| 11 |
What’s the best part about summer in the US?Three months of no school shootings. |
| 12 |
How are School shooting jokes like the school shooting victims?They never get old. |
| 13 |
Why are Americans so dumb?Because they shoot the ones who go to school. |
| 14 |
Do you know that placing three armed veterans in each school will stop school shootings?The shooter will see people with three arms and freak out. |
| 15 |
Why do so many American kids die in school shootings?They’re not allowed to run in the halls. |
| 16 |
Americans: It’s Mom, not Mum, it’s Chips, not Crisps, it’s Fries, not Chips, it’s Color, not Colour, it’s Soccer, not Football, and it’s Football, not Rugby.Britons: It’s School, not Shooting Range. |
| 17 |
What do you call a school shooting in a math class?Derive-by. |
| 18 |
Did you hear about the shooting at the deaf school?Neither did they. |
| 19 |
Wanna hear a school shooting pickup line?He: Hey baby, are you a school?She: Uhg. No, why?He: Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you. |
| 20 |
What’s the difference between school shootings and mass shootings?School shootings have more class. |
| 21 |
Why aren’t there any guns in Harry Potter?Because Hogwarts is in England not America. |
| 22 |
How do you create a school shooting at a black school?Call the cops. |
| 23 |
What did the anti-vaxxer say during the school shooting?“No shots for me, please.” |
| 24 |
What does a homeschooler call a school shooting?Homicide. |
| 25 |
Why are there no school shootings in Afghanistan?America already bombed the schools. |
| 26 |
Did you hear about Little Johnny’s brother last words who died in a school shooting?“Damn it, the cops are here. I guess I’ll have the last round for myself.” |
| 27 |
Can you imagine what was going through the kids’ heads when the shooting was going on?Bullets, probably bullets. |
| 28 |
Did you hear there was another school shooting recently in the US?So glad the world is starting to go back to normal. |
| 29 |
Why do we still have school shooting drills.?It just teaches the quiet kid where to aim when he is ready. |
| 30 |
Why does Fortnite remind you so much of high school?Because you just hop off the bus and shoot everyone you see. |
| 31 |
Roses are red,Violets are cool,No valentines date?Just shoot up a school! |
| 32 |
What do you call a late abortion?School shooting. |
| 33 |
What’s the difference between mass shootings and Amy Schumer?Mass shootings are funny. |
| 34 |
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?Finding out your child died in a school shooting. |
| 35 |
What’s the best way to survive a school shooting?Make sure you’re the first to fire the shots. |
| 36 |
Did you hear about the neighbor’s son who wanted to get work experience at a shooting range?So his father sent him to school for the day. |
| 37 |
Why is heroin better than school?Heroin doesn’t cry when you shoot it up. |
| 38 |
How do you know PUBG takes place in America?There are more guns in a school than at a shooting range. |
| 39 |
What do a priest and a school shooter have in common?They both shoot their load into a kid when given the chance. |
| 40 |
Did you hear about the School Shooting in Russia?The US is about to sue for Copyright. |
| 41 |
What do jazz and school shootings have in common?Brass and soul. |
| 42 |
What do call it when a red headed shoots up a school?A ginger snaps. |
| 43 |
Did you hear about a school shooting on Valentine’s Day?Guess they could call it Bullet For My Valentine. |
| 44 |
A guy was shooting up the school.One guy hiding in the classroom tells his classmates, “I have a gun in my bag, I can end this quickly.”One classmate told him, “Just go end it, this is so fcuked up.”He took a gun from the bag, and gave his classmates quick shots through their head. |
| 45 |
How is masturbation similar to a school shooting?You’re going to be shooting the kids either way. |
| 46 |
Who is the safest in a school shooting?Unvaccinated children. They don’t get shots. |
| 47 |
What do you call a school shooter who only shoots special ed kids?A vegetable farmer. |
| 48 |
What’s the American education system’s slogan?“Great targets and shooting ranges!” |
| 49 |
Even though children in various places around Africa have access to guns, they still don’t have a single case of a school shooting, do you know why?It’s because they don’t have schools in the first place. |
| 50 |
What’s the worst part about a school shooting?Reloading. |
| 51 |
What do you call a school shooting victim who becomes a prostitute?A Sandy Hooker. |
| 52 |
What do all school shootings have in common?Dead children and happy parents. |
| 53 |
Did you hear about the recent survey on US students?Around 75% of them graduate from high school. The other 25% die in school shootings. |
| 54 |
Where should you shoot up a school?Texas – because you can walk out on bail. |
| 55 |
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?Target practice. |
| 56 |
Why are Americans 1st in obesity?Bigger targets for school shootings. |
| 57 |
Do you know some people just hate school shooting jokes?They say that those kinds of jokes tend to be aimed at younger audiences. |
| 58 |
What’s poppin?Children’s heads during a school shooting. |
| 59 |
How to stop school shootings?Shoot up the school before the school shooters, it’ll run them outta business. |
| 60 |
Why do they have a moment of silence for school shootings?Because it’s hard to aim a gun with everyone making so much goddamn noise. |
| 61 |
Do you know that white people don’t shoot each other in the streets as black people do?They do it in schools because they have class. |
| 62 |
What is the best thing about being a pedophile necrophiliac?Being an elementary school teacher after a school shooting. |
| 63 |
When is a school shooting not a school shooting?When it’s a field trip. |
| 64 |
What’s the great thing about school shootings?You get to be dismissed earlier and for the added bonus no homework for every teacher killed! |
| 65 |
What do you do when you are shooting up the school and entering the library?Put a silencer on, duh. |
| 66 |
What do CS: GO and school shootings have in common?You get mad at your friend for stealing your kill. |
| 67 |
What do you call a school shooting at a catholic school?A mass shooting. |